Dr. Laura: I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Lisa, welcome to the program.
Lisa: Thank you so much for taking my call, Dr. Laura.
Dr. Laura: Thank you.
Lisa: My question is, and it's kind of a two-part question-should I tell my boys, ages thirteen and sixteen, that their father not only has hepatitis C with stage-three liver disease, but he has been on methadone maintenance for twenty-one months because of a two-year OxyContin addiction that I found out about two years ago? Dr. Laura: Are you living with your husband?
Lisa: Yes, I am, and I'm deciding whether to divorce him or not as well. Dr. Laura: Well, they have to know that their father is seriously ill. They have to see that. Doesn't it show? Lisa: Well, he's not bedridden. He still has a job, he's a functioning drug addict, and well, he's in methadone maintenance, so he's trying to convince me he is not a drug addict, but I feel that he traded one addiction for another. He didn't go through a twelve-step program, and he has the hepatitis C, which he had because he was an intravenous drug user before I met him. I did not know he had that in his past, and I'm concerned that my children are shaving, and they might pick up his razor. I mean, I have many issues that I don't know how to handle. Dr. Laura: Well, number one, you need to sit down with the family doctor, and get answers to those questions, in terms of "How do I protect my children and myself? "-I mean, yourself is kind of obvious-but "How to protect the children and myself from infection? What do we need to do? What do we need to avoid?" You need to get concrete medical information. Once you get that information, you need to sit down as parents with your kids, and as long as you're staying together, your rage has to be kept to yourself. You have to sit down with the kids and say, "Daddy's got an illness. This is what it can cause. It's communicable. This is the kind of things we have to do in the home now." So that you're all four of you working together. Lisa: Well, he doesn't want to tell them. Dr. Laura: It doesn't matter. It's for their protection. Lisa: That's what I think. Dr. Laura: Yes. He doesn't have the right to privacy if that privacy has the potential of hurting someone. Lisa: Right, and how do you feel about-you know, he's a stage-three liver disease. I don't know how long it will take to get to the next stage, or whatever, but I was worried about them contracting the hepatitis C, and I am pretty well educated on how that occurs. As far as the methadone maintenance, I'm also in the-I have somewhat started the process of a divorce, because he was cleaning our bank account out, and told me he would kill himself if I divorced him two years ago. I found out he was using drugs a month after my father passed away, and I couldn't handle it, because I couldn't handle- Dr. Laura: Lisa, what in this can I help you with now? It sounds like you've not decided about a divorce, so let me just say this: While you're not concretely divorcing, your children don't have to know the details about methadone or anything else. They just have to know that Dad has this liver disease. There is a way to contract it, these are the kind of things we have to be concerned about, and that's what you have to deal with with the kids. If you actually split this family up, it's at that point where you need to clarify the "why," but you do not need to clarify the "why" while the family is together. I would like the children to be as unburdened as possible by the shenanigans of the two of you, because that's what our responsibility is as adults as parents. Lisa: And how do you feel about staying with someone who's on methadone? Dr. Laura: That is your decision to make. I'm not going to make that decision for you. That is your decision to make. That place I won't go, but I certainly see the depth and breadth of your dismay and rage, and I understand it.
