The Public Speaker, The “F” Word - Part 1

This is The Public Speaker: Quick and Dirty Tips for Improving Your Communication Skills , with your host, Lisa B. Marshall.

The OLD WAY to meet for business was over the phone or in person. The NEW, BETTER WAY is to meet clients & colleagues ONLINE with GoToMeeting . GoToMeeting is like meeting in person - BUT less time consuming and less expensive! It's easy and you can start a meeting with just a click ! Everyone SEEs your computer desktop on THEIR computer screen. So they can follow along as you move from page to page. Use GoToMeeting for sales presentations, product demos or training sessions. Even collaborate on documents by sharing screens in real time. I've tried it and it works great. You can try Go To Meeting FREE for 30 days . But you must visit www.GoToMeeting.com/podcast. That's www.GoToMeeting.com/podcast for your FREE 30 day trial. This morning, I received an email thanking me for delivering a presentation. The message included a summary of the evaluation scores I received along with specific comments from participants. Then I switched gears and gave video feedback to two of my current coaching clients. After that, I wrote a reporter asking for feedback on a recent pitch that I sent. Then, at the end of my day, my daughters asked, "Mommy, how did we behave today?" So, today I spent most of my day receiving and giving feedback.

We Want and Need Feedback We all want feedback. I want feedback from my customers (and from you, the listeners) so that I can improve. My clients pay me for my feedback so they can improve. And my kids need feedback so they know how to behave. We all need frequent feedback.

Feedback from others is the fastest way to improve. It's how we learn and excel. Feedback motivates us and helps us to make course corrections. I'll admit that sometimes feedback isn't exactly what we expect and can sting, but ultimately it's what helps us grow and improve. What's with the Lack of Feedback? Though most people need and want regular feedback most people don't get regular feedback. The problem is that most of us are hesitant to give it. We're reluctant to give feedback that isn't all positive even if it's constructive. As humans we want others to like us. We've been taught that if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all. But that doesn't help us get any better. Another problem is that we've all been on the receiving end of what I call "angry criticism" which is isn't feedback at all. It's just getting yelled at. Obviously, when you angrily deliver "feedback" to help YOURSELF feel better, it's not motivating for the person receiving the message. Feedback Motivates Behaviors It's critically important to understand that the MAIN idea behind feedback is to MOTIVATE behavior. That's so important I'm going to say it again. The MAIN idea behind feedback is to MOTIVATE BEHAVIOR. That is, positive feedback should encourage someone to keep doing certain behaviors, while corrective feedback should motivates him or her to change behaviors. And notice I didn't say motivate a person, I said motivate behavior. The goal is to get someone to act or react differently under certain circumstances. You're not asking them to be a different person. So the first tip is to encourage you to make a commitment to give more feedback to those around you. Commit to regular two-way feedback in your professional life and your personal life. It shows you care and you're interested in helping the people around you. At work, build a culture that values feedback. Reinforce that everyone deserves feedback and that providing feedback is a primary function of a supervisor. Many managers resist. They'll say, "I don't have time for feedback" or "I'm not comfortable delivering feedback." But delivering regular feedback doesn't take more than a few minutes and it certainly doesn't have to be difficult or hurtful. In fact, if you do it effectively, it's quick, comfortable, and often welcomed. The best part is that regular feedback creates a supportive environment built on trust. And the people around you will improve and become more satisfied because they are being coached to do better.

So, let's talk about the dos and don'ts of delivering effective feedback. Praise in Public, Correction in Private If you want to truly motivate someone, praise them in public. I'll never forget the day Chris Brogan (who's a well-known social media figure) praised me on Twitter. I felt inflated by his comment. I had a big smile on my face and as a bonus, I had thirty-five new followers within five minutes. It was like a gift--a gift of thoughtfulness--that didn't cost him much but a few seconds of time. However, I also remember the very first (and luckily only) public tweet that I received that was negative. It was clearly intended to be destructive. I wasn't even sure exactly what I had done to earn such a negative, hurtful reaction because the tweet wasn't specific. Eventually I received one or two private emails from other listeners that very clearly and gently described a mispronunciation error I'd made. I was only able to improve after I understood exactly what I needed to fix. As I mentioned in a previous episode it stung a little, but ultimately I'm grateful and happy that a few listeners cared enough to share with me their stories of mispronunciation and helped me to not make that mistake again. So, the rule is praise in public and provide corrective feedback in private and in person if possible. Sending an email should be a last resort --only if the other ways are impossible. One time in my career I needed to deliver some corrective feedback and it was so important to me that I flew to England so I could have a face-to-face conversation with my direct. Certainly, tweeting constructive feedback is out of the question—that is IF your goal is to motivate a change in behavior.

Four Steps to Giving Corrective Feedback So what's the process? First, when you'd like to give corrective feedback, be sure the person is interested in receiving your feedback. If he or she hasn't specifically requested your feedback, then it's good practice to ask. “Hey, would you like some feedback?” “Can I share something with you that I noticed?” Next, you'll want to describe the specific behaviors you noticed. So, again, behaviors are actions or reactions in a certain situation. For example, “I noticed that you don't include a signature line with your contact information on your emails.” Or “I noticed that at the end of every sentence the pitch of your voice raises.” At this point, your goal is to simply reflect back the behavior as if you were a mirror. The next step is to clearly state the impact of the observed behavior. “When you don't include your contact information, it makes it difficult to find your phone number quickly.” Or “When you raise the pitch of your voice at the end of sentence, and you're making a statement (NOT asking a question) it makes you appear uncertain or lacking in confidence.” The final step is tricky. You might decide to just leave it there and let the person decide what to do on their own. If you pause long enough just after describing the impact, people will often volunteer a plan of corrective action on their own. If not, you may want to ask if they have any ideas to correct or improve the situation. As a manager, you may need to describe and ask for specific changes. For example, “Would you consider adding a signature line?” Or “Would you like to work with a coach to help you with your voice?” So here's how it might sound all together. “Hey, would you like some feedback? I noticed that you don't include a signature line in your emails and it makes it difficult for me to find your telephone number quickly. Would you consider adding a signature line?” If you sincerely focus on the fact that your goal with feedback is to motivate behavior, it should no longer feel uncomfortable. And if you provide feedback regularly, then it doesn't need to take more than a few minutes. This is Lisa B. Marshall. Passionate about communication; your success is my business.

Episode Practice So I'd like to give you an opportunity to put your feedback skills into action. So, I'm asking for your feedback. Remember, positive feedback in public (think iTunes review or status update to Twitter, LinkedIn, or Facebook) and corrective feedback privately by phone or email. I sincerely want to make this show the best I can and I welcome your comments.

Also, you can join weekly discussions in the Facebook discussion group or become a official “fan” by joining the The Public Speaker Fan Page.) As usual, I invite you to also join my networks on (LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter). All the links are in the show notes.

Administrative Remember you can try GoToMeeting FREE for 30 days! For this special offer, visit www.GoToMeeting.com/podcasts. That's go to meeting dot com slash podcasts (with an s) for a FREE trial. If you have a question, leave a voicemail at 206-350-7970. Or send email to publicspeaker@quickanddirtytips.com. For information about keynote speeches or workshops, visit lisabmarshall.com.

This is The Public Speaker: Quick and Dirty Tips for Improving Your Communication Skills, with your host, Lisa B. Marshall.

The OLD WAY to meet for business was over the phone or in person. The NEW, BETTER WAY is to meet clients & colleagues ONLINE with GoToMeeting. GoToMeeting is like meeting in person - BUT less time consuming and less expensive! It's easy and you can start a meeting with just a click! Everyone SEEs your computer desktop on THEIR computer screen. So they can follow along as you move from page to page. Use GoToMeeting for sales presentations, product demos or training sessions. Even collaborate on documents by sharing screens in real time. I've tried it and it works great. You can try Go To Meeting FREE for 30 days. But you must visit www.GoToMeeting.com/podcast. That's www.GoToMeeting.com/podcast for your FREE 30 day trial.

This morning, I received an email thanking me for delivering a presentation. The message included a summary of the evaluation scores I received along with specific comments from participants. Then I switched gears and gave video feedback to two of my current coaching clients. After that, I wrote a reporter asking for feedback on a recent pitch that I sent. Then, at the end of my day, my daughters asked, "Mommy, how did we behave today?"

So, today I spent most of my day receiving and giving feedback.

We Want and Need Feedback

We all want feedback. I want feedback from my customers (and from you, the listeners) so that I can improve. My clients pay me for my feedback so they can improve. And my kids need feedback so they know how to behave. We all need frequent feedback.

What's with the Lack of Feedback?

Though most people need and want regular feedback most people don't get regular feedback. The problem is that most of us are hesitant to give it. We're reluctant to give feedback that isn't all positive even if it's constructive. As humans we want others to like us. We've been taught that if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all.

But that doesn't help us get any better.

Another problem is that we've all been on the receiving end of what I call "angry criticism" which is isn't feedback at all. It's just getting yelled at. Obviously, when you angrily deliver "feedback" to help YOURSELF feel better, it's not motivating for the person receiving the message.

Feedback Motivates Behaviors

It's critically important to understand that the MAIN idea behind feedback is to MOTIVATE behavior. That's so important I'm going to say it again. The MAIN idea behind feedback is to MOTIVATE BEHAVIOR. That is, positive feedback should encourage someone to keep doing certain behaviors, while corrective feedback should motivates him or her to change behaviors. And notice I didn't say motivate a person, I said motivate behavior. The goal is to get someone to act or react differently under certain circumstances. You're not asking them to be a different person.

So the first tip is to encourage you to make a commitment to give more feedback to those around you. Commit to regular two-way feedback in your professional life and your personal life. It shows you care and you're interested in helping the people around you.

At work, build a culture that values feedback. Reinforce that everyone deserves feedback and that providing feedback is a primary function of a supervisor. Many managers resist. They'll say, "I don't have time for feedback" or "I'm not comfortable delivering feedback."

But delivering regular feedback doesn't take more than a few minutes and it certainly doesn't have to be difficult or hurtful. In fact, if you do it effectively, it's quick, comfortable, and often welcomed. The best part is that regular feedback creates a supportive environment built on trust. And the people around you will improve and become more satisfied because they are being coached to do better.

So, let's talk about the dos and don'ts of delivering effective feedback.

Praise in Public, Correction in Private

If you want to truly motivate someone, praise them in public. I'll never forget the day Chris Brogan (who's a well-known social media figure) praised me on Twitter. I felt inflated by his comment. I had a big smile on my face and as a bonus, I had thirty-five new followers within five minutes. It was like a gift--a gift of thoughtfulness--that didn't cost him much but a few seconds of time.

However, I also remember the very first (and luckily only) public tweet that I received that was negative. It was clearly intended to be destructive. I wasn't even sure exactly what I had done to earn such a negative, hurtful reaction because the tweet wasn't specific. Eventually I received one or two private emails from other listeners that very clearly and gently described a mispronunciation error I'd made. I was only able to improve after I understood exactly what I needed to fix. As I mentioned in a previous episode it stung a little, but ultimately I'm grateful and happy that a few listeners cared enough to share with me their stories of mispronunciation and helped me to not make that mistake again.

So, the rule is praise in public and provide corrective feedback in private and in person if possible. Sending an email should be a last resort --only if the other ways are impossible. One time in my career I needed to deliver some corrective feedback and it was so important to me that I flew to England so I could have a face-to-face conversation with my direct. Certainly, tweeting constructive feedback is out of the question—that is IF your goal is to motivate a change in behavior.

Four Steps to Giving Corrective Feedback

So what's the process? First, when you'd like to give corrective feedback, be sure the person is interested in receiving your feedback. If he or she hasn't specifically requested your feedback, then it's good practice to ask. “Hey, would you like some feedback?” “Can I share something with you that I noticed?”

Next, you'll want to describe the specific behaviors you noticed. So, again, behaviors are actions or reactions in a certain situation. For example, “I noticed that you don't include a signature line with your contact information on your emails.” Or “I noticed that at the end of every sentence the pitch of your voice raises.” At this point, your goal is to simply reflect back the behavior as if you were a mirror.

The next step is to clearly state the impact of the observed behavior. “When you don't include your contact information, it makes it difficult to find your phone number quickly.” Or “When you raise the pitch of your voice at the end of sentence, and you're making a statement (NOT asking a question) it makes you appear uncertain or lacking in confidence.”

The final step is tricky. You might decide to just leave it there and let the person decide what to do on their own. If you pause long enough just after describing the impact, people will often volunteer a plan of corrective action on their own. If not, you may want to ask if they have any ideas to correct or improve the situation. As a manager, you may need to describe and ask for specific changes. For example, “Would you consider adding a signature line?” Or “Would you like to work with a coach to help you with your voice?”

So here's how it might sound all together. “Hey, would you like some feedback? I noticed that you don't include a signature line in your emails and it makes it difficult for me to find your telephone number quickly. Would you consider adding a signature line?”

If you sincerely focus on the fact that your goal with feedback is to motivate behavior, it should no longer feel uncomfortable. And if you provide feedback regularly, then it doesn't need to take more than a few minutes.

This is Lisa B. Marshall. Passionate about communication; your success is my business.

Episode Practice

So I'd like to give you an opportunity to put your feedback skills into action. So, I'm asking for your feedback. Remember, positive feedback in public (think iTunes review or status update to Twitter, LinkedIn, or Facebook) and corrective feedback privately by phone or email. I sincerely want to make this show the best I can and I welcome your comments.

Administrative

Remember you can try GoToMeeting FREE for 30 days! For this special offer, visit www.GoToMeeting.com/podcasts. That's go to meeting dot com slash podcasts (with an s) for a FREE trial.

If you have a question, leave a voicemail at 206-350-7970. Or send email to publicspeaker@quickanddirtytips.com. For information about keynote speeches or workshops, visit lisabmarshall.com.