Why not? After all, the old one is no longer making us happy. And in our society, when something or someone no longer makes us happy, we toss it or them aside and go out looking for an improved model. It will not work.
Happiness comes from within us. We achieve it when we are in touch with our true nature, when we let go of the thoughts that others must believe as we do, when we realize that material possessions and controlling others will not make us truly happy. We have all heard of people with great wealth who live in fear and isolation. They worry constantly about protecting their lives and possessions. They become alienated from their own children. Actually, we need very little. We only require so much food to nourish ourselves and we can be very comfortable in relatively little space. If we can be contented with what we have and who we are, we may begin to reach the natural joy already within us. We need to do the best we can to meet our responsibilities, but when things do not go the way we wish, remember that we can only change our own lives and ourselves. Do not get upset when circumstances do not meet our expectations, for the reality is that life rarely goes as we wish.
The Buddha said that this world is one of suffering, that life is unsatisfactory. He also said that there is an end to suffering and taught us the way to end it. If you think that you are not suffering, please think again. Each of us undergoes birth, old age, sickness, and death. Often we find ourselves in the presence of those we dislike. We are separated from those we love. We do not obtain what we hope for.
Basically, things do not go as we wish. If we understand that these are a part of our existence, we will not be surprised when they happen. We have undergone them before. We will undergo them again. But if we can say to ourselves, “Okay, things did not go the way I wanted, but that is the way life is. Being frustrated or angry will not help anything and will only make the situation worse.
Understanding that things usually do not go my way, I will stop being surprised or disappointed when my expectations are not met.” If we can begin to do this—and yes it is very difficult to do so— we will find ourselves being less upset when difficulties arise. We will remain calm and become happier. Not getting our way is not that important. Do not be attached to the idea that things have to go as we want.
Society tells us that we need to have a strong ego. We often need it to succeed at work. We often need it just to get to work. We feel that we must assert our rights. This is what we are taught. But asserting our rights at the expense of and happiness of others is wrong. Trying to accomplish things at the expense of others will never permanently make us happy. Forget the idea that everyone has to believe and act as we do. Instead, we can ask, “How can I help this person? What do they need?” If we are able to do this unconditionally, without any expectation of reward, if we can let go of constant thoughts of “I, me, and mine” and think only of others, then we will find all sorts of ways to help others.
We can give material resources, or our time and abilities. If we see someone having a difficult time and does not have enough to eat, we can provide them with food. Then, we can find ways to teach them what they need to know to be self-reliant and to be truly free in the future. Or if we see someone who is upset, we can just smile at him or her. This costs us nothing. But this simple act accomplishes one of the major forms of giving because it removes the fears and worries of others. Once we start practicing giving, we will begin to feel happier because we will be acting from our true nature.
Our human nature keeps prodding, “Keep it, don't give it away, look out for yourself first.” However our true nature prompts, “Help others, do not hold anything back.” When we give from our true nature, we will receive all that we could wish for. But to do this, we need to offer without thinking of self-benefit, without thinking of ourselves. We can give others happiness, knowledge, security.
DEAL WITH ANGER EFFECTIVELY How can we do this? We can let go of our greed. We can let go of our anger. We do not have to hold on to them. When someone constantly irritates us we can consider, “Why does this person annoy only me? I am in a room filled with people and yet they all look okay. None of them is reacting the way I am. Why is this person irritating only me? Why are those words bothering me alone?” It should be obvious to us, then, that this anger did not start today. It has a history, for it has been passed back and forth over many lifetimes.
We can decide there and then that we do not enjoy feeling this way and that we do not want the situation to get worse in the future. Also, in such a situation, it is not we alone who are unhappy. The other person is also feeling the tension and anger, but in all likelihood they do not understand what is happening. For their sake and ours, at this point, we must let go of our anger.
Most of the time we hold on to the anger. We cherish it. We “fondly” go over our memories of how much this person or that person has hurt us. Anger is like an addiction. Not only did we get upset the first time, but we go over and over it, like watching a favorite movie. We are constantly replanting more seeds, relentlessly nurturing those seeds of anger, and allowing the poison to spread and grow. But we must stop it. You must stop it.
Let it go! We really do not need it. For our sake, for the sake of the other person, for all those around us, for all beings throughout the universe, let go of the anger. It is not part of who we really are. It is a very, very damaging habit that we keep falling into. It will destroy us.
As was said earlier, we are so accustomed to being angry that we do not even realize we are angry. At some point we will suddenly realize what has happened, that once again we have lost our tempers. The next time this realization occurs, begin to allow the anger to dissolve, not grow. Gradually, we will catch negative emotions, such as anger, a little more quickly as we become a little more mindful. We will still get angry, but we will begin to recognize it sooner. We will begin to let go of it a little earlier. This will take time, but we must do this.
Anger, hatred, killing, war – there is so much today. And it is getting worse. Even our environment is being effected by our anger. Our world is literally becoming warmer. We may think that this is the result of climatic changes and pollution. We are right about the cause being pollution. But we are wrong about its form. What is damaging our world is the pollution in our minds. We are collectively feeling so much anger that we are literally heating up our world! The Buddha told us that anger is the cause of being born into the hell realms. Being so immersed in our anger, we do not have to wait to be reborn there. A person who is immersed in anger is already in hell! If we do not stop and change ourselves now, we will destroy ourselves and our world. There will be no future for our children.
We must realize the enormity of this. We cannot afford to sit back and say that the hatred has nothing to do with us, that the killing is happening in another part of the world. The anger and hatred are affecting every inch of our world. Nothing is worthy of anger. Nothing is worthy of hatred. Nothing is worthy of killing. Nothing. When we came into this life, we brought nothing with us but our own karma. And when we leave this life, we will take nothing with us but our karma. Selfishness, intolerance, hatred, killing—they have no place in our true nature.
CREATE WORLD PEACE We can resolve that we will react differently the next time we become aware of our anger. When we see that person who upsets us so much and feel ourselves giving in to anger, we can realize that our antagonist is also suffering and unhappy with the situation. Then we can let go of the anger and be mindful of what we are doing. We can let go of the past, of unhappiness, worries, and problems. If we look back on the day and feel that we have made mistakes, we can ask what we did wrong. Then we can determine how to correct our mistakes. We need to do whatever is necessary to plan for the future, to meet our responsibilities in everything we do and then stop worrying about the future. Most of the things we worry about never transpire.
Focus on what we are doing right now. Concentrate. Pay attention. If we are mindful and focus on what we are doing, we will not carelessly say something that will hurt another, because in our speaking with others, we will neither be looking around the room nor wondering what we are going to say as soon as they stop talking.
Instead, we will be listening and observing. If we say something upsetting, we will notice their reaction. We will be able to go back and find out what we said that was upsetting and correct it. If we just carefully listen to other people, we can alleviate much pain. Most of the time when people have a problem, all they want is someone to listen to them, somebody who will not judge them, somebody they can feel safe with. We can become that somebody for others. We can be the caring person that they are looking for and who we wish to be.
Everything arises from the mind: anger, hatred, and vengeance. We can also give rise to loving-kindness, gentleness, and wisdom. We have free will. We can decide what we will do, who we wish to be. We created who we are today. We can recreate who we will be tomorrow. Our world is a reflection of all of our thoughts, the thoughts of a collective consciousness. We can influence others for the good by the good that we are thinking.
We may not stop the bombs that will be ignited tomorrow, but if we are sincerely thinking of helping others, of respecting others, of peace, then as our thoughts are perceived throughout the universe we may be able to stop those bombs from being ignited ten years from now. All we need to do is resolve to stop that bitterness and hatred, that seeking of revenge, that believing that an eye for an eye is correct. It must all end now. If we fail to do this, then the world will become blind to reality, to reason, and to what is right. And we will be lost.
