Dr. Laura: Chris, welcome to the program.
Chris: Hi, Dr. Laura.
Dr. Laura: Hi.
Chris: I'd like to know how I could respond or react to my wife. Every time we have an argument, it turns into a full-blown blowout. She ends up throwing a temper tantrum and really cussing me out, and degrades me a couple different ways, most of it cuss words, and things like that. I'd like to know how to respond to that. Dr. Laura: Would she describe the situation the same way?
Chris: Yes, absolutely.
Dr. Laura: So she admits to doing that?
Chris: Yes. Afterward, after the dust has settled, maybe a couple hours later, maybe the next day, maybe she'll apologize. She'll apologize for yelling, is how she says it. Dr. Laura: But not for what she said.
Chris: Right. I've tried a couple different- Dr. Laura: Chris? Sorry.
I mean, she sounds like she's not a very nice person. Chris: You know, for the most part she is.
Dr. Laura: That's nice. Well then, try to keep that in mind when she's tearing down your manhood and your general worth as a husband, and a father, and everything else. You try to keep in mind that generally, she's a nice person. I think that might be the way to respond.
Chris: [laughter] Dr. Laura: But you're describing somebody who sounds like not very nice person. Chris: Okay.
Dr. Laura: Sorry.
Chris: How do I respond to that?
Dr. Laura: I don't know, once you marry it and have kids with it, I really don't know. Because I doubt that this kind of behavior, unless it started when she started drinking, or something unusual changed-I assume when you were dating, she had the same kind of temper.
Chris: Not as bad- Dr. Laura: Okay. The answer to that is yes. When people say, "but not as bad," that means yes, she did. Chris: Okay.
Dr. Laura: But gee, I thought I could take that amount of abuse. See, if it were the other way around, everybody would be jumping at their radios right now, going "What an abusive guy." But it's a woman doing it, so nobody's jumping like that except me. You're an abused husband. Chris: Okay.
Dr. Laura: So, best thing I can tell you, since you have kids and don't want to be visiting, you want to actually raise your own kids, and to try to wrest small kids away from their mother is no easy task, even if she's not very nice and she's a screaming Mimi. Best thing you can try is going into some therapy to see if she can get a little straightened out.
Chris: Okay.
All right.
Dr. Laura: But, you know, in your next life, when they're bitchy before the wedding, they're not going to get better afterward. When they're abusive before, it gets worse after, because the familiarity and the comfort level sets in and they can get away with it more. So if somebody's abusing you while you're dating them, it's good guess that that's your life. Chris: Makes sense.
Dr. Laura: So the best thing you can do-if you didn't have kids, I'd tell you to hit the road, Jack, but since you have kids and you want to raise them, you've got to try to get help here. Minimally, to get you so you can stay sane for the next twenty years of raising your kids. Maximally would be wonderful if she could get to the core of her rage and deal with it better.
Chris: Yeah. Okay.
Dr. Laura: All right, and I appreciate your call, but it's not cute. It's abuse. This is an abused man.
